The drama ensues
|(Image by Xtra West files)||
THE GLUE THAT BINDS
story by Phillip Banks /
Sep 30 2004
Gay guys are all about relationships. It’s one of the most important issues in our lives and a topic of endless conversation and celebration. And, from time to time, consternation (by which I mean drama).
We want relationships in all their myriad forms and designs. Relationships like bar buddies, fuck buddies, best friends, tricks, teammates, lovers, family, boyfriends, and husbands. And yes, even exes. For the most part, wanting these and openly pursuing them is culturally acceptable—no questions asked. But when it comes to boyfriends and husbands things start to get cloudy.
If you’re looking for a boyfriend are you really supposed to say so? It seems like putting that out there is received as pressure or read as desperation rather than honesty and openness. It’s as though we’re not supposed to want it. It’s just supposed to happen. Like wanting it ruins the magic. So what happens in a lot of cases is it just doesn’t get talked about and we get all stressed out wondering whether the guy we’re dating even wants a boyfriend. Drama ensues. Usually with friends.
I have this friend—let’s call him Jay—and he has the absolute worst luck dating. He is super sweet, mega cute, and he just can’t seem to meet a nice man. Actually, that’s not the entire truth. He meets nice men, he sleeps with them and then they tell him they only want to be friends. Well, friends that fuck. But not friends that fuck and go to movies and have romantic sleepovers and, well, talk. For some guys a date is just the pretext for sex. For Jay, it’s the first step in getting a boyfriend. He just doesn’t let guys know this. And drama ensues. Usually with me.
If you want a boyfriend it’s okay to say so. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you want it to so desperately that you’ll take the first body with a pulse that passes your way. And it doesn’t mean you want to be boyfriends with the guy you went on a couple of dates with. That’s what dates are for. It’s called “try before you buy.”
If you don’t want a boyfriend, it’s also good information for the guy you’re dating to have. Especially if he’s introducing you to his mother as his boyfriend. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to all the other guys out there looking for guys who want boyfriends. If you’re not going to use him, let somebody else have him.
So if you’re in the closet about wanting a boyfriend, come out! For goodness sake, come out. It just might make getting one easier.